- Image by woodleywonderworks via Flickr
Conflicts between parents and teens eventually develop during adolescence. The volatile combination of raging hormones and parents who grew up in a different era cause misunderstandings to grow into conflict between adults and adolescents.
More than the external conflict teens experience with their parents, the internal conflict within their bodies and minds contribute to moodiness, compulsive behavior, and uncontrollable emotions. Because they exist between adulthood and childhood, adolescents feel trapped in a developing body they cannot control. These feelings push them to emulate adults who seem so capable of handling things on their own.
Unfortunately, the parents think their teens do not yet possess the moral aptitude and the social skills to be independent. They still have a lot to learn when it comes to being responsible and mature, especially in making crucial decisions in their lives.
The article, Why is There So Much Conflict Between Teenagers and Their Parents?, provides solutions to this conflict between parents and teens.
- Parents and teens should sit down together to work out compromises.
- Teach teens to recognize emotions and how to stop their emotions from controlling their behavior.
- Parents and teens should learn to be more patient with each other.
- Parents should give more freedom to their teens while the teens in turn should be more open to their parents’ concerns.
During confrontation between parents and teens, both parties should express their feelings and concerns honestly to each other rather than repress them. It is far easier to resolve simple misunderstandings through dialogue before they explode into serious conflicts. HealthyChildren.org sets some ground rules for constructive confrontations:
- Take time to let your tempers die down.
- Use statements that reflect your feelings.
- If accusations cannot be avoided, then be specific.
- Explain why you are upset or angry at their behavior.
- Do not bring up the past.
- Never belittle the other person’s feelings.
- For parents, ask the teen for a solution.
- Admit it when you are wrong.
The goal of confrontation is to resolve the conflict, and not win the argument. If the defiant teen received an equal opportunity to defend his side, then there would be less of a power struggle and more of a constructive dialogue. For everyone’s sake, parents can choose to sidestep and disengage from the power struggle and decide not to argue.
