- Image by Boris van Hoytema via Flickr
As a child, our parents often warn us not to talk to strangers or not to cross the street alone. However, as we grow older, we ignore some of these boundaries and start taking risks, such as going somewhere with someone you just met at a party. Adults handle these situations well because of their previous experiences and their abilities to defend themselves.
Teens, however, lack both the experience and the ability for defensive behavior. They also tend to miscalculate how much risk they can take without hurting themselves or others. This teen behavior emphasizes the need for parents to set boundaries with their children.
Setting boundaries let teens know the type of behaviors considered acceptable, or even tolerable in a social setting. Boundaries guide teens during a phase in their lives when they try to find and develop their own identities. These boundaries provide a sense of security and control in their lives.
As a parent, you should know the best approach in setting boundaries with your teen. Experts note that children who learned these boundaries early in life continue to follow them when they get older. When they reach adolescence, some of these boundaries need to be taught again.
To avoid appearing much too controlling and restrictive, parents should focus on a few key areas on their teens’ behavior. Try starting with setting a curfew, and then implementing firmly the punishments agreed on by you and your teen.
As a parent, you are more likely to get your teen’s cooperation if he has some say in the matter. By giving them responsibility, you put your trust in them and this makes for a better relationship. When setting boundaries, like negotiating curfew, make sure, everyone is clear about expectations and limits – try to be as specific as possible.
Set a good example with your own boundaries. Enforcing boundaries and consequences will be much easier if you do not break your own rules. If you go home later than expected, you should call home and let your kids know so that they would do the same when their turn comes. When enforcing consequences, be consistent and reasonable. Consequences should be enough to motivate but not overwhelming.
When discussing boundaries, do not be so negative as to focus only on what your teen is doing wrong. Address the problem, but focus on the solution. Communicating well by being open and flexible will keep your children from turning into defiant teens.
For more information on setting and enforcing boundaries with your kids and teens, you can go visit More4Kids and Reader’s Digest Canada.
