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Implementing consequences, whether positive or negative, is an important part of discipline in parenting teens. Being effective in implementing consequences can mean the difference between establishing order in the household and letting chaos reign. The problem most parents have is that they have a hard time deciding appropriate punishments when their problem teenagers break the rules. They do not even know when they are too strict or too lenient with their teens.
Consequences need not be all about punishments. Consequences can also be rewards to encourage good behavior, while punishments are to deter bad behavior. A healthy mix and balance of both should be present. When a teen receives punishments often, negative feelings of never having done anything right dominate. On one hand, when there are no punishments at all, leniency results to abuse.
There are two types of consequences: logical and natural. Natural consequences occur as direct results of one’s actions. Parents frequently make logical consequences for the actions made by rule-breaking teens. Any consequence logically connects with the wrongdoing. For example, if a teen breaks curfew, then he loses the privilege to go out the next night. When he gets good grades, a good consequence would be a new scooter or a new PSP.
Six Qualities Of Effective Consequences
Related: This simply means that the consequence fits the gravity of bad behavior or the level of good behavior achieved. The teen learns to associate the punishment or reward with the behavior and moderates his actions next time to produce only the good consequences.
Respectful: Even when the behavior deserves punishment, avoid humiliating the teenager. This will not help and will only breed resentment.
Reasonable: To be grounded for life for breaking curfew is not reasonable.
Strong: Be firm in dishing out consequences. It will reinforce the idea of you being serious in punishing bad behavior.
Swift: For consequences to be truly effective, they need to be put into effect immediately. Rewards or punishments implemented in the future, such as on the weekend or after the parents get back from vacation, lose their effect. Teens will not truly feel the consequences of their actions, and will never learn from them.
Short-term: For teenagers, anything that lasts longer than a few days becomes ineffective. Long-term punishments will just breed resentment and ill will. This develops into anger that turns your child into an angry teen exhibiting destructive behavior as he grows up.
The purpose of parenting teens is to prepare them for the real world and for lives of their own. Let your teens experience some of the lessons in life while still under your watchful, but loving care.
