Picture perfect teenage girls

Although the challenges of teen parenting may overwhelm the best parents, it need not be a stressful and agonizing process. Dealing with troubled boys or troubled girls may simply require some behavioral changes not only on the teenager’s part, but also on the parents. Once parents understood the need to change the way they act, speak and think when interacting with their teens, they will see that building a productive and harmonious relationship with their kids can be a rewarding and joyous experience.

Parent-teen relationships often work like a two-way street with two directions leading in or out on opposite sides. If both sides need to meet somewhere, then it should be in the middle. Communication and the willingness to compromise are the keys to working out the tangles of a parent-teen relationship gone haywire.

Building a good relationship with your teen would mean gaining their trust and confidence. Here are some tips to help get you started:

• Listen to your teen.
• Be objective, not judgmental.
• Treat them as intelligent individuals whose input is seriously considered.
• Know their language. Communication is the key to understanding.
• Connect with your child through their interests, like music, games, shows, etc.
• Get to know their friends.
• Really talk to them, as friends would.
• Spend quality time with your teens.

Parents and teens need to work together to improve their relationships, and the more they connect with each other, the better their relationship will be. Go ahead. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your teen.

One of the constant struggles of parenting teens is discipline. Most parents find it challenging to discipline their children, especially when it comes to giving out punishments to their defiant teens. Oftentimes, parents resort to only scaring their children with punishments, but never actually get to implementing them.

The use of scare tactics is a trap that most parents fall into. For one, they never work and can even backfire. Well, maybe they could work once, but when your teens see through your strategy, they will never believe you again. Gaining credibility with your teen will be even more difficult.

Parent credibility is an important aspect of disciplining defiant teens, and here are some tips to help you establish that credibility with your teens:

• Consider how the punishment could possibly damage your relationship with your teen.
• Never punish when you are angry as it might lead to unnecessary actions you would regret later.
• Never threaten with a penalty you are not prepared to carry out.
• Implement short-term consequences that last for several hours to a few days for major offenses. Long-term punishments will only encourage more negative behavior as the teen might start to think there might not be anything worse than what he is already getting.
• Punish only the guilty party; do not involve innocent family members.
• Do not use guilt as a means of discipline. It will only breed resentment and ill feelings.
• Help youngsters (not only teens) learn from their mistakes.
• Be consistent. Your teen will know that you keep your word and they can actually believe what you say.
• When you say “NO,” be sure to mean it. Do not give in to pressure when your teen continues to nag or pester you into saying yes.

Effective discipline should include loving follow through as well as teaching children the right thing to do. Being just as credible with rewards as with punishments can help build stronger relationships between parents and their teens.

Parenting teens can truly be a challenge. Many parents feel that all they ever do is nag, lecture, yell at, and ground their teens without getting any results. Naturally, parents want their kids to do well in school. However, their parents find it difficult to motivate them to cooperate. From working on the simplest household chores to finishing the day’s assignments, parents had their work cut out for them when it comes to motivating their children.

Family Matters Parenting Magazine mentioned two forms of motivation: fear and love. People are motivated to do things either because they love doing what they do or because they fear the consequences of not doing anything. For example, kids play video games because they enjoy it. You had to pry them off sometimes. However, even when you hate doing homework, you still do it because you will fail if you do not.

Motivating teenagers is pretty much the same. It is important for parents to understand that motivation is not something they can force on defiant teens. Motivating teenagers becomes impossible when teens feel they do not have the freedom or control over their own lives. They feel they should have choices.

Positive discipline will help strengthen bonds and improve relationships between teens and parents. It is possible to encourage a student to study more by letting him set his own time. Giving your teen more control will help motivate him further. However, this tactic will not work well on indifferent or apathetic teens.

If everything else fails, then all that is left is fear – the fear of losing valued privileges. If you take this route, be sure to implement punishment properly. Give the appropriate punishment and reward so you will not lose the effectiveness of either consequence.

Implementing consequences, whether positive or negative, is an important part of discipline in parenting teens. Being effective in implementing consequences can mean the difference between establishing order in the household and letting chaos reign. The problem most parents have is that they have a hard time deciding appropriate punishments when their problem teenagers break the rules. They do not even know when they are too strict or too lenient with their teens.

Consequences need not be all about punishments. Consequences can also be rewards to encourage good behavior, while punishments are to deter bad behavior. A healthy mix and balance of both should be present. When a teen receives punishments often, negative feelings of never having done anything right dominate. On one hand, when there are no punishments at all, leniency results to abuse.

There are two types of consequences: logical and natural. Natural consequences occur as direct results of one’s actions. Parents frequently make logical consequences for the actions made by rule-breaking teens. Any consequence logically connects with the wrongdoing. For example, if a teen breaks curfew, then he loses the privilege to go out the next night. When he gets good grades, a good consequence would be a new scooter or a new PSP.

Six Qualities Of Effective Consequences

Related: This simply means that the consequence fits the gravity of bad behavior or the level of good behavior achieved. The teen learns to associate the punishment or reward with the behavior and moderates his actions next time to produce only the good consequences.

Respectful: Even when the behavior deserves punishment, avoid humiliating the teenager. This will not help and will only breed resentment.

Reasonable: To be grounded for life for breaking curfew is not reasonable.

Strong: Be firm in dishing out consequences. It will reinforce the idea of you being serious in punishing bad behavior.

Swift: For consequences to be truly effective, they need to be put into effect immediately. Rewards or punishments implemented in the future, such as on the weekend or after the parents get back from vacation, lose their effect. Teens will not truly feel the consequences of their actions, and will never learn from them.

Short-term: For teenagers, anything that lasts longer than a few days becomes ineffective. Long-term punishments will just breed resentment and ill will. This develops into anger that turns your child into an angry teen exhibiting destructive behavior as he grows up.

The purpose of parenting teens is to prepare them for the real world and for lives of their own. Let your teens experience some of the lessons in life while still under your watchful, but loving care.

As a child, our parents often warn us not to talk to strangers or not to cross the street alone. However, as we grow older, we ignore some of these boundaries and start taking risks, such as going somewhere with someone you just met at a party. Adults handle these situations well because of their previous experiences and their abilities to defend themselves.

Teens, however, lack both the experience and the ability for defensive behavior. They also tend to miscalculate how much risk they can take without hurting themselves or others. This teen behavior emphasizes the need for parents to set boundaries with their children.

Setting boundaries let teens know the type of behaviors considered acceptable, or even tolerable in a social setting. Boundaries guide teens during a phase in their lives when they try to find and develop their own identities. These boundaries provide a sense of security and control in their lives.

As a parent, you should know the best approach in setting boundaries with your teen. Experts note that children who learned these boundaries early in life continue to follow them when they get older. When they reach adolescence, some of these boundaries need to be taught again.

To avoid appearing much too controlling and restrictive, parents should focus on a few key areas on their teens’ behavior. Try starting with setting a curfew, and then implementing firmly the punishments agreed on by you and your teen.

As a parent, you are more likely to get your teen’s cooperation if he has some say in the matter. By giving them responsibility, you put your trust in them and this makes for a better relationship. When setting boundaries, like negotiating curfew, make sure, everyone is clear about expectations and limits – try to be as specific as possible.

Set a good example with your own boundaries. Enforcing boundaries and consequences will be much easier if you do not break your own rules. If you go home later than expected, you should call home and let your kids know so that they would do the same when their turn comes. When enforcing consequences, be consistent and reasonable. Consequences should be enough to motivate but not overwhelming.

When discussing boundaries, do not be so negative as to focus only on what your teen is doing wrong. Address the problem, but focus on the solution. Communicating well by being open and flexible will keep your children from turning into defiant teens.

For more information on setting and enforcing boundaries with your kids and teens, you can go visit More4Kids and Reader’s Digest Canada.